The Anti Lashon Hara Project

Why does Israel get such bad Press coverage?
One suggestion is that it is God's measure for measure justice. Since we speak Lashon Hara (Evil speech) we are punished through evil speech about Israel and the Jewish People. When the situation is dire it is certainly incumbent upon us to examine our behaviour (Gemara Berachot 5a). Additionally, Lashon Hara is cited as a main reason why our Temple was destroyed and we have not yet merited its rebuilding (based on Gemara Yoma 9b). In our daily prayers at the end of the Amidah we ask for protection from Lashon Hara, yet we still continue to speak it.

It is against this background that an anti-Lashon Hara project is being launched which will provide us with an almost daily reminder to evade Lashon Hara, based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim.

1. “The Torah’s laws of speech are the tools to remove anger, bitterness and jealousy from our hearts, and to eliminate strife, hurt and divisiveness from the Jewish people.”
   
2. “The toxicity of Lashon Hara (Evil speech) isn’t hard to grasp. One need only examine the aspects of human nature that fuel it: arrogance, anger, jealousy, a critical attitude and a negative outlook.”
   
3. “When one follows kind, gentle words back to their source, one finds them embedded in the most wholesome aspects of our personality: humility, a willingness to avoid disputes, recognition of God’s image in others, a focus on the good, and ahavat Yisrael (love of one’s fellow Jew).”
   
4. “In its broader sense, the term Lashon Hara (evil speech) refers to 4 destructive forms of speech. The first form is a true statement which is either derogatory OR potentially harmful to a third party.”
   
5. “Rechilut, the second form of Lashon Hara, literally means ‘peddling’. One who engages in Rechilut peddles a tale, informing one person of a negative statement that has been made about him/her by another person.”
   
6. “The third form of Lashon Hara is a false statement which is either derogatory OR potentially harmful to a third party. This is called Motzi Shem Ra.”
   Sefer Chafetz Chaim 1:1
   
7. “Onaat Devarim, the fourth form of Lashon Hara is defined as causing pain with words. The Torah looks upon this pain as a real wound, in complete opposition to the common belief that words cannot hurt.”
   
8. “Onaat Devarim is often simply the product of insensitivity, or the mistaken belief that opinions on such matters as physical appearance, a new purchase, a spouse, someone else’s background or perceptions, and so forth, are open fields for frank discussion.”
   
9. “When one speaks to family, friends, even strangers, in a gentle, considerate way, one’s words become conductors of tremendous positive power. They can alleviate loneliness, build self-confidence, uplift, encourage, instruct and advise.”
   
10. “A derogatory statement about someone is Lashon Hara, even if it will definitely not cause that person any harm. To focus on the shortcomings of another person is in itself wrong.”
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 3:6, Shaarei Teshuvah LeRabbeinu Yonah 3:216
    
11. A statement that could potentially bring harm to someone - be it financial, physical, psychological or otherwise - is Lashon Hara (Evil speech), even if the information is not negative.
    Maimonides, Deot 7:5
    
12. It is forbidden to relate that someone has been remiss in a matter of Jewish observance - be it a transgression prohibited by the Torah, a Rabbinical prohibition or even a breach of custom. Such statements are derogatory by the Torah’s standards and thus are forbidden.
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 4:2
    
13. Certain statements are Lashon Hara (Evil speech) when said regarding one person, yet are perfectly acceptable when said regarding someone else, eg. it is forbidden to relate the amount of charity donated by an individual if that amount is considered respectable only for a person of lesser means.
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 5:6
    
14. It is forbidden to say that someone possesses a negative character trait, eg. it is forbidden to say that an individual is quick-tempered, argumentative, stingy, arrogant, etc.*
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
* Please note that the early daily teachings in this series are inevitably on the stringent side (eg. we have not yet listed here the exceptional scenarios in which one might be allowed/encouraged to mention that someone possesses a negative character trait). The finer details of where we can be lenient come later on, for two reasons. Firstly, better to err on the side of caution with something as serious as Lashon Hara (ATorah law). Secondly, Maimonides advises that to improve our behaviour we should throw ourselves to the opposite extreme in order to ultimately settle at the golden mean, eg. if we suffer from being not careful enough with our speech (in respect of Lashon Hara), then we should begin our journey to the happy medium (i.e. being careful with our speech) by being over-careful with our speech.

15. To indicate that someone is of ‘average’ character (eg. he does not overlook the wrong done to him), while not complimentary, is also not derogatory and may be permissible. In common situations where the term ‘average’ has negative connotations, such a statement would constitute Lashon Hara (Evil speech).
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
16. It is forbidden to utter a statement which essentially is not derogatory, if either the speaker or the listener considers it derogatory. An illustration of this would be where an individual’s mode of dress is being discussed. Although there may be nothing wrong with the way the person dresses, nevertheless it is forbidden to say that the individual dresses in that manner, if either the speaker or listener has an unfavourable impression of those who dress that way.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
17. To say “I don’t like dry wine” is a description of the speaker’s preferences and not a critical evaluation of the wine. Ostensibly then one should be allowed to say that he does not like the oratory style of a given lecturer. In fact, however, such statements are generally prohibited because they imply that the speaker lacks effectiveness.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
18. It is forbidden to relate something about an individual’s past which either the speaker or the listener considers shameful, even if in reality it is not shameful at all.
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 4:1
    

The following websites may be of interest www.chofetzchaimusa.org and chofetzchaim.shemayisrael.com

19. It is forbidden to relate derogatory information about someone even when the speaker mentions that he himself has the very same shortcoming or is guilty of having committed the same act.
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 1:9
    
20. While statements which have a negative connotation are prohibited, this would not apply where the listener can be expected to understand that nothing derogatory was intended. Therefore, Jewish law permits making an ambiguous statement if:
    
    nothing derogatory is intended; AND
    
    the unintended meaning of the statement is only mildly derogatory; AND
    
    the statement is made in the presence of at least three people or in the presence of the person being discussed.
    As an illustration, the early commentators offer the statement: “In that house, something is always cooking on the stove.” This could mean that the family’s door is always open to guests, or it can mean that the family is overindulgent. If the statement were to be made in the presence of three, one can safely assume that it would eventually become known to the family of whom it was said. Such being the case, the listeners would assume that the speaker intended it as a compliment. It would also be permissible to make such a statement in the presence of the family of whom it is said, since it would be obvious to all that there was no derogatory intent. Sefer Chafetz Chaim 2:2 & 3:1, Gemara Arachin 15b
    
21. While the Torah’s prohibition against Lashon Hara (Evil speech) applies only to speaking about the living, our Sages also prohibit making slanderous remarks about the deceased.
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 8:9
    
22. It is forbidden to speak negatively of the land of Israel. As the Torah relates, the generation that merited to be liberated from Egypt spent 40 years in the wilderness and died there because of evil speech concerning the land (see BeMidbar chapters 13-14).
    Gemara Arachin 15a, Ben Yehoyada at end of Ketubot
    
23. Once something is defined as derogatory, it is forbidden to relate it other than for constructive purposes and under specific conditions which we will discuss.
    
    One may not share negative information about people with friends and family, including one’s spouse.
    
    To focus on another’s shortcomings is undignified and wrong.
    
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 8:10
    
24. To speak derogatively of one’s fellow is to degrade one’s own status as a creation in the image of God.
    For one who speaks Lashon Hara (Evil speech), the Teshuvah (repentance) process is the same as for all sins between man and God: (i) verbal admission; (ii) sincere regret; and (iii) the resolution not to speak Lashon Hara again.
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 4:12
    
25. The Talmud (Oral Law) teaches that gramma b’nizakin assur, i.e. it is forbidden to cause a person damage indirectly. Therefore, any form of speech, even if not derogatory, but which may cause physical, emotional or financial harm to someone, constitutes Lashon Hara (Evil speech) and is forbidden.
    Maimonides, Deot 7:5
    


26. One who conveys information to others has no control over who will hear it and in what setting it will be repeated. Whatever one says concerning another person may very well be repeated in the presence of that person.
    It is therefore forbidden to say anything about a person that might embarrass him if it were to be repeated in his presence, even if the information is not derogatory.
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 4:1
    
27. The sin of Lashon Hara (Evil speech) causes the Divine Presence to remove itself from among us.
    
    God says about the gossiper: “He and I cannot live together in this world”.
    
    One who causes strife among friends is despicable in the eyes of God, and his sin is too great to bear.
    Devarim Rabbah 5:10, Arachin 15b & Vayikra Rabbah 16:1
    
28. Other means of communication (1)
    
    Lashon Hara is not limited to speech. Included in this prohibition is communication of derogatory or harmful information through any means. Therefore, writing Lashon Hara, or using code, sign or body language (e.g. a cynical smile or rolling one’s eyes upward in exasperation) that communicates something negative or harmful is forbidden.
    
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 1:8
    
29. Other means of communication (2)
    
    To show others a letter or article that would reflect badly on its author is forbidden, as is revealing the identity of the author of a work that is known to be of poor quality.
    
    It is also forbidden to show photographs of people which they would find embarrassing.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
30. On the Day of Judgement, many people will find themselves credited with meritorious deeds which they did not do. “These are not mine!” each one will declare. He will be told: “These are the deeds of those who spoke disparagingly of you [and thereby caused their merits to be transferred to your account].” Similarly, the one who spoke disparagingly will be told: “These deeds were taken from you when you spoke against So-and-so.”
    
    Conversely, some will find acts of guilt on their account which they never committed. When each one will protest: “These are not mine!” he will be told: “These were taken from the account of So-and-so, against whom you spoke.”
    Sefer Chovot HaLevavot (Sha’ar HaKeniah, chapter 7)
    
31. All forms of Lashon Hara are forbidden even when no names are mentioned if it will be possible for people to determine who is being discussed.
    Furthermore, if names are omitted but the story will reflect badly on an entire group of people, it may not be spoken. Speaking critically about an unnamed student at a Yeshivah is often taken as a statement about the entire student body or as a reflection on yeshivah students in general. If this is the implication, the statement is a more serious form of Lashon Hara, for it reflects on a multitude of Jews.
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 3:4
    
32. 1. Is it a better life not talking Lashon Hara?
    
    2. Is it permitted to talk Lashon Hara about non Jews?
    
    1. Yes. Avoiding Lashon Hara means having a closer relationship with the Infinite Being, God, which is the highest level of pleasure. Also, your friends will trust you more if you show then that you do not approve of gossip and derogatory statements. Also, recall our first email on the subject: "The Torah's laws of speech are the tools to remove anger, bitterness and jealousy from our hearts, and to eliminate strife, hurt and divisiveness from the Jewish people."
    
    2. Technically yes. However, for two reasons it is discouraged: i) It is a bad habit which could lead to talking forbidden Lashon Hara about Jews; ii) It would cause a Chilul Hashem (desecration of God's name) if they knew you spoke Lashon Hara about them.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
33. To relate derogatory information that is essentially true but includes either exaggerations or even slight altering of the facts is included in the prohibition of Motzi Shem Ra*.
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 1:1

    
    * Recall the definitions from Anti-Lashon Hara project (4 & 6)
    
    “In its broader sense, the term Lashon Hara (evil speech) refers to 4 destructive forms of speech. The first form is a true statement which is either derogatory OR potentially harmful to a third party.”
    
    “The third form of Lashon Hara is a false statement which is either derogatory OR potentially harmful to a third party. This is called Motzi Shem Ra.”

34. To relate an amusing incident that would cause embarrassment to any of the people involved if told in their presence constitutes Lashon Hara. Many a humourous situation is actually quite painful to the person involved.
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 3:3
    
35. There are times when a speaker makes a positive statement about a person and intends it as such, but negative and harmful information can be inferred from his words. This is Rabbinically forbidden under a category called Avak Lashon Hara (= the dust of evil speech) that is spread by way of carelessness.
    A common form of Avak Lashon Hara is where one sincerely praises another person, but in doing so, alludes to a shortcoming of that individual, e.g. “Who would have believed that he would have come this far?”
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 9:1
    
36. Praising a person in a situation where someone present is likely to temper such praise with criticism is another form of Avak Lashon Hara. It is forbidden to praise someone in the presence of anyone who is known to dislike him, as it is common for such people to respond by mentioning the person’s shortcomings.
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 9:1
37. If one says he is reluctant to discuss a particular individual so as to avoid speaking Lashon Hara, he is in effect communicating that he knows something negative about that person.
    “I’d rather not discuss So-and-so,” is Avak Lashon Hara.
    When faced with such a situation, a person must either attempt to divert the conversation to another topic or indicate that he does not know any pertinent information about the person under discussion.
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 9:1
    
38. In certain situations* one may - and sometimes must - provide people with negative information that is important for them to know, either to avoid being harmed or for some other constructive purpose.
    Whenever faced with such a situation, one must explain why he is saying something that would ordinarily be prohibited, so that the listener understands that the prohibitions regarding Lashon Hara are not being transgressed.
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 9:3
    

* which we will discuss soon
39. The primary prohibition against speaking Lashon Hara is LOH TEILEICH RACHIL B’AMECHA = Do not go as a gossipmonger among your people (Vayikra 19:16). However, the Chafetz Chaim demonstrates that this sin can involve the transgression of numerous positive and negative commandments.
    Our Rabbis caution us to avoid associating with a habitual speaker of Lashon Hara.
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 1:4 & 9:4
    
40. One may not succumb to social pressure and engage in gossip, in the same way that one would not compromise his Kashrut standards due to social pressure.
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 1:7
    Someone once said to the Chafetz Chaim: "Now that I've read your book, I feel like I can't say anything!" The Chafetz Chaim responded: "Before you'd read my book, you couldn't say anything as you didn't know what was permissible to be said. Now that you've read it, you know what you are permitted to say."
    
41. There are times when discussing someone’s shortcomings is clearly constructive and the responsible thing to do. This is true either when one is attempting to assist the person he is speaking about, or when he is trying to protect others from that person. In such cases, though negative traits or actions are being mentioned, the statements made do not constitute Lashon Hara. Destructive speech is Lashon Hara; constructive speech is not.*
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 10:4
    * Finer details to come.
42. It is permissible to speak negatively about a person:
    
    to help the person (e.g. to discuss a person’s faults with someone else in order to help the person improve), or
    
    to help anyone victimised by the person (or to protect people from falling victim to his behaviour in the future), or
    
    to resolve major disputes, or
    
    to enable others to learn from the mistakes of that person,
    
    provided that 7 conditions are met (See Anti-Lashon Hara project (43)).
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 4:5,7 & 9:3
    
43. 7 conditions must be met before a critical statement about an individual may be said:
    
    one’s remarks are based on first-hand information and careful investigation, and
    
    it is apparent that this person is wrong, and
    
    (in general) the person has been spoken to but refuses to change his behaviour, and
    
    the statement to be made will be true and accurate, and
    
    the speaker’s intent is for a constructive purpose only (and there’s a reasonable chance the intended goal will be accomplished), and
    
    there is no alternative means by which to bring about the intended result, and
    
    no undue harm will be caused by the statement.
    
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 9 & 10
    
44. Every person is born with character flaws. It is our mission in life to change, to grow, to strive for perfection and spirituality.
    
    One of the greatest gifts God has blessed us with is companionship: friends, family, people around us who are close enough to be objective.
    
    Remaining silent when reproof is called for is not “guarding our tongue”, it is depriving one’s fellow of his lifeline to self-improvement.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
45. The Torah states: “Do not accept a false report.”
    
    Anyone who sincerely strives to emulate Aharon, who loved and pursued peace, must refrain from speaking Lashon Hara and from accepting as truth the Lashon Hara related to him by others.
    Shemot 23:1 & Avot 1:12
    
46. To accept gossip as truth is to be led along the path of Sinat Chinam (baseless hatred), quarrelling and strife.
    When a person is told that So-and-so has spoken or acted negatively towards him and he accepts this report as fact, he will inevitably quarrel with that person.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
47. Upon hearing a negative report, the Torah advises the listener to react by thinking to himself that perhaps the information is entirely false, or at least laced with falsehood or omission of key details in a way that totally alters the true nature of what had occurred. Or, perhaps whatever had been done was committed without intent to harm. Any and all of the above possibilities would preclude ill feeling and avert strife.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
48. “Causing another to sin is worse than killing him. For by killing him one denies him this world, but by causing him to sin one denies him both this world and the next” (Sifre, Devarim 23:8). Therefore, to relate forbidden information and cause another to listen to and accept Lashon Hara is to commit a most serious offence [aside from the transgression of numerous Torah laws for speaking the forbidden].
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
49. The Torah emphasises caring for the needs of one’s fellow, e.g. we cannot ignore another Jew’s lost object, even if it is worth very little and even if the owner is unaware of its loss. If this is the case regarding our fellow’s material possessions which have value only in this temporal world, how much more so must we be concerned with matters affecting his eternal soul, such as not causing him to listen to and accept Lashon Hara.
    Devarim 22:1-3 & Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
50. If one feels he has fallen victim to another person’s dishonesty, and after verifying the facts concludes that he has a valid claim against that person, he must not publicly speak against that person for the sake of attaining restitution. Rather, he should confront the individual privately and, if necessary, consult a Rabbi. If possible, the name of the accused should not be mentioned.
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 10:11
    
51. The Talmud (Bava Batra 164b) relates that Shimon presented a legal document to his father Rabbi Yehudah HaNasi (Rebbi) and asked him if it was valid. When Rebbi replied that it was invalid because no date was written, Shimon showed his father that the date was indeed written but in an unusual place. Rebbi revised his ruling and said the document was actually valid, but was very distressed that legal documents were produced with dates in unusual places! Shimon told him: "I didn't write the document; it was Yehudah Chayta," to which his father retorted: "I don't want to hear your Lashon Hara!"
    The Talmud continues that Shimon was later reading Psalms with his father and the latter remarked: "What beautiful writing!" to which Shimon commented: "I didn't write it; it was Yehudah Chayta." Rebbi retorted: "I don't want to hear your Lashon Hara!"
    The Talmud asks where was the Lashon Hara in this second incident? The Talmud answers that Shimon's statement is Avak Lashon Hara (the dust of Lashon Hara*, because he excessively praised Yehudah Chayta in front of Rebbi who was not best pleased with Yehudah Chayta due to the earlier incident).
    * See Anti-Lashon Hara project (36) "Praising a person in a situation where someone present is likely to temper such praise with criticism is another form of Avak Lashon Harah. It is forbidden to praise someone in the presence of anyone who is known to dislike him, as it is common for such people to respond by mentioning the person’s shortcomings."
52. The next set of rules concerns information which, if provided, could prevent a potential relationship (e.g. business partnership, shidduch [marriage match], hiring a worker) from materialising. Jewish law differentiates between three situations:
    where one suggests the relationship;
    
    where one is called on to answer questions from one party concerning the other;
    
    where one is in a position to volunteer information to one party about the other, though it has not been requested.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
53. When suggesting that someone consider entering into a relationship with someone else, one must be mindful of the commandment LIFNEI IVER LO TITEN MICHSHOL = do not place a stumbling block before the blind (Vayikra 19:14) which our Rabbis interpret as a warning not to offer improper advice.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
54. It is absolutely forbidden to suggest someone as a possible employee, business partner or marriage partner if one is aware that:
    objectively speaking, it may not be good for the people involved, or
    (2) it does not satisfy the subjective needs and tastes of both parties.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
55. In light of the prohibition of misleading one’s fellow, one may be reluctant to suggest shidduchim (marriage matches) altogether; others may feel it necessary to mention every possible shortcoming of the person so as not to be guilty of misrepresenting the truth.
    Few acts of chesed (kindness) can compare with that of helping to build a Jewish home. One who thinks that a certain man may be a suitable match for a certain woman is not responsible to investigate the two and their families before proposing the match.* That is the responsibility of the parties involved.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    * but please note Anti-Lashon Hara project (54)
56. One should not give advice unless he believes he understands the situation, and has the insight and life experience necessary to properly direct his petitioner. One should never encourage a match he knows nothing about for the sake of seeing to it that the person “just gets married”. One may encourage a match only if he sincerely believes that it is good for both parties. It is forbidden for an advisor to discourage a relationship unless his disapproval is based on firsthand information that was carefully analysed.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
57. Unlike the shadchan (matchmaker) or advisor, a third party who is approached with specific questions about one of the parties is not offering advice. His primary concern, therefore, is not the sin of misleading others. His main responsibility is to be honest, and to refrain from speaking that which might constitute Lashon Hara.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
58. If asked whether the other party has a specific, relevant shortcoming, it is certainly correct to tell the truth. For example, if one is asked about the person’s character, and is aware that he has an uncontrollable temper, this must be told leto’elet (for a constructive purpose). Of course, the preconditions for relating such information are required (second-hand information must be presented as such; constructive intent is required; and one may relate only that which is accurate and necessary).
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
59. If, for example, an eligible man is insistent that the woman he marries be at least four yours younger than he, should never have failed an exam in elementary school, or comply with some other stipulation of seeming irrelevance, one who is asked concerning such matters should simply say: “I don’t know”. However, a shadchan may not suggest someone who does not meet these terms without first consulting a Rabbi.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
60. The Torah states: “Do not stand aside while your brother’s blood is shed” (Vayikra 19:16). This requires one to volunteer information if he is aware that one party in a proposed match has severe physical, psychological or spiritual shortcomings which by objective standards can be expected to interfere with the marriage, and that this information is being concealed by the other party.
    
    Once again, the 7 conditions which permit speaking negatively for a constructive purpose must be fulfilled:
    
    The information must be firsthand, or clearly stated as only secondhand.
    
    It must clearly be a problem by objective standards (e.g. a debilitating disease in the person, or in the family if it is hereditary; severe psychological disorders; violent tendencies; major differences in hashkafah [outlook on basic issues of Jewish life]; an immoral lifestyle) and not a matter of personal opinion. It must also be clear that the information is being concealed from the other party.
    
    If it is possible to convince the party that is concealing the information to come forth with it, that would be preferable.
    
    The information is not to be exaggerated and only that which is necessary may be told.
    
    One’s intent must be to prevent a harmful situation from coming about and not to denigrate the party spoken about. Moreover, there must be a real possibility that the information conveyed will not be ignored, so that the constructive purpose will be realised.
    
    No realistic alternative to conveying the information directly can be found.
    
    No undue harm will be caused by informing the party of the problem. Should there be reason to suspect that the party, upon learning that it has been deceived, will denigrate the other party or seek revenge in some other way, one should not get involved.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
61. If one is aware of a negative factor that by objective standards renders the proposed relationship a mistake, then one is obligated to speak up. However, if by objective standards the factor does not lead to such a conclusion, but it may adversely affect the future of the people involved, one should not volunteer information about it, but one would have to respond truthfully when questioned specifically regarding that topic.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
62. If one is aware of a negative factor that by objective standards would have no bearing on the proposed relationship, but it is clear that the other party would see it as an issue, one should not volunteer information about it and should avoid telling of it even if asked, but one is not permitted to suggest that the relationship is pursued.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
63. The possible situations of constructive negative speech that could arise in the settings of family, friends, community, business, employment, education, etc are endless. One’s only recourse is to become fluent in the principles, develop an understanding of the concepts, and accustom oneself to consulting a Rabbi.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
64. An entrance to a house must be opened when necessary, but it cannot be left open all day and all night; to do so would mean to leave the house open to thieves. Similarly, one cannot allow his mouth to be open indiscriminately.
    Based on Micha 7:5
    
65. “With the measure that a person measures does Heaven measure him” (Megila 12b). When a person speaks disparagingly of his fellow, the Accusing Angel is allowed to disparage him. When a person accepts Lashon Hara, then the Heavenly Court will listen to and accept the negative information of the Accusing Angel. The subject of the Lashon Hara will have his deeds scrutinised by the Heavenly Court (because of Ayin Hara - The Evil Eye - which prioritises Heavenly Tribunals of high profile individuals).
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
66. Every listener of Lashon Hara is, in effect, making it possible for the speaker to relate his forbidden words, and therefore is an accomplice in his sin.
    In the case of a lone listener, the prohibition “Do not place a stumbling block before the blind” (Vayikra 19:14) would surely apply, for included in this verse is a prohibition against causing another Jew to sin.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
67. If one is speaking and suddenly realises his own words are leading toward Lashon Hara, he should muster his spiritual strength and abruptly change the subject - in the same way that he would spit out the food he was chewing were he to become aware that it was non-kosher. If this will cause him discomfort or embarrassment, he should bear in mind the Rabbis’ words: “Better to be considered a fool all one’s days [in this world], and not be considered wicked even for a moment before God.”
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim & Mishneh Eduyot 5:6
    
68. The commandment Hocheiach Tochiach Et Amitecha = You should surely rebuke your fellow (Vayikra 19:17) requires a Jew to inform a sinner that his behaviour is improper, and attempt to convince him to mend his ways.
    Only in a case where one knows that his reproof would cause the sinner to react by committing more serious offences is he to refrain from speaking up.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
69. Reproof must be administered with respect and understanding, and should be done in private whenever possible.
    Vayikra 19:17 & Rashi there
    
70. One is required to interrupt and reprove the speaker of Lashon Hara, and do his best to ensure that he put a halt to his sinful speech. This applies unless the speaker would likely react by expressing yet greater negativity towards the person he was speaking about, as a way of defending his sinful talk.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
71. When several people are involved in a discussion that includes Lashon Hara, one should speak up and caution them that what they are discussing is forbidden.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
72. The first step to “guarding one’s tongue” is to avoid groups involved in idle conversation and to train oneself not to inquire about the latest gossip. One should train himself, little by little, until he reaches the point where he does not even want to be informed of any gossip. With the passage of time, God will help him so that “guarding his tongue” will become a part of his very nature.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
73. It is clear that upon hearing Lashon Hara one should promptly interrupt the speaker and reprimand him for his words. In a case where doing so would cause the speaker embarrassment (i.e. others are present), it is preferable to tactfully change the subject, thus preventing further Lashon Hara, and offer reproof later (in private).
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
74. If one finds himself hearing Lashon Hara but unable to change the subject, he should walk away. If one feels uncomfortable leaving, the least he should do is try his best to ignore what is being said, and use facial expression to show disapproval. Certainly, he should not appear as though he is enjoying the conversation.
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 6:5
    
75. It is a proven fact that to restrain oneself from speaking and listening to Lashon Hara is difficult for only the first few weeks. As others come to realise that an individual will not speak or listen to Lashon Hara, mockery or other forbidden speech, they will refrain from relating such talk to him.
    What is needed is an initial firm resolve to acquire this sacred quality.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
76. It is disrespectful to accuse a Rabbi of speaking Lashon Hara. Instead, one should ask the Rabbi for assistance in understanding why it was permissible for him to make a given statement.
    Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deiah 242:22
    
77. The Torah states: “With righteousness shall you judge your fellow” (Vayikra 19:15). Our Rabbis interpret this as a commandment to give one’s fellow the benefit of the doubt.
    Gemara Shevuot 30a
    
78. To give one’s fellow the benefit of the doubt is to decide in one’s mind that someone who is said to have committed a misdeed did so either unwillfully, out of ignorance, or correctly (i.e. that in fact no sin was committed). When the report does not lend itself to any of these interpretations, one should consider the possibility that the speaker added or omitted details which completely alter the nature of the report.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
79. One who judges his fellow favourably is judged favourably by Heaven.
    Gemara Shabbat 127b
    
80. It is correct to listen to a person’s claim against someone else if one thinks that he can be of help in rectifying the situation, or if the listener or someone else might be vulnerable to similar treatment by the person being spoken about.
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 6:2
    
81. It is permissible to listen to information about a person with whom one is planning to collaborate in a joint venture, if the information is pertinent to that relationship.
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 6:2
    
82. Fulfillment of the commandment to judge one’s fellow favourably and development of the quality of ‘guarding one’s tongue’ both hinge on the fulfillment of “You shall love your fellow as yourself” (Vayikra 19:18).
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
83. As it is forbidden to cause another to transgress, one may not solicit information unless it is clearly permissible for the other person to offer such information.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
84. Is it permissible to say: “I don’t like a certain Kosher restaurant”?
    We know that Lashon Hara is any statement which is either derogatory or ‘potentially harmful’. It is not derogatory to say the above because it is personal preference. Therefore, if one ensures that his statement is clearly not ‘potentially harmful’ then, and only then, it is permissible.
    Based on a question posed to Rav Berkowitz, author of “CHOFETZ CHAIM A Lesson A Day”
    
85. A child should be taught that if interesting events of the day include negative facts about others, then names should be omitted. To relate how a certain child misbehaved in class is to speak Lashon Hara, even if what that child did was clever and amusing. Conversely, it is perfectly correct for a child to reveal the identity of a boy who interferes with his own activity or disrupts him during class time.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
86. It is forbidden to tell someone that an individual did something to harm him; spoke Lashon Hara against him; doesn’t like him; or doesn’t respect him. This is called Rechilut and means ‘peddling’ information that potentially can cause ill will.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
87. The prohibition against speaking Rechilut is highly relevant when a committee meets to consider an individual for a possible position. It is wrong for a member of the committee to tell the candidate “I was on your side but was outvoted by my colleagues”.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
88. One may not tell a speaker that a certain person or persons did not enjoy his lecture, nor may one tell a writer or artist that certain people do not appreciate his work (unless this is absolutely necessary for a constructive purpose).
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
89. It is reasonable to assume that people dislike those who speak badly of their friends or relatives. Therefore, to tell an individual that someone has spoken negatively of his friend or relative is to speak Rechilut.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
90. The root causes of Lashon Hara are alluded to in the words KoL GeYHiNaM (= all hell). These words are an acronym for Kaas = anger, Leitzanut = scoffing, Ga’ava = arrogance, Ye’ush = despair, Hefker = without rule, Nirganut = negativity and (omer) Mutar = saying it is permissible.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
91. It is forbidden to mention an incident or other piece of information which might remind the listener of a situation where he was wronged by someone. To relate such information is to speak Avak (i.e the dust of) Rechilut.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
92. It is forbidden to tell someone “I’d rather not tell you what so-and-so said about you” for this implies that so-and-so said something negative about the listener.
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim, Laws of Rechilut 8:1
    
93. One must distance oneself from scoffers so that he will not learn from their ways. Rather, he should sit where Torah is being spoken. Praiseworthy will he be, in this world and in the World To Come.
    Based on Psalms 1
    
94. The Talmud states that four groups will not merit to greet the Divine Presence: flatterers, liars, habitual speakers of Lashon Hara, and scoffers.
    Gemara Sotah 42b
    
95. The Talmud states that arrogance causes one’s properties to become ruined and one’s resources to become depleted. Furthermore, regarding an arrogant person God says “He and I cannot live together in the world.”
    Gemara Succah 29b & Gemara Sotah 5a
    
96. The most severe form of Avak Rechilut involves statements that reveal information which one was told in confidence. (Sharing confidential information to save someone from harm will be discussed soon.)
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim, Laws of Rechilut 8:5
    
97. As in the case of Lashon Hara, the prohibition of Rechilut involves meaningless or destructive gossip only. Reporting to a person concerning what someone else said or did against him leto’elet (for a constructive purpose), is not considered speaking Rechilut and may, in fact, be considered a Mitzvah.
    Based on the writings of the Chafetz Chaim
    
98. One may listen to Rechilut if one’s intention is to make the speaker understand that his perception of the situation, and of those of whom he speaks negatively, is mistaken.
    Sefer Chafetz Chaim 6:4
    
99. The Chafetz Chaim enumerates 17 negative commandments which might be violated when speaking or listening to Lashon Hara:
    
    Lo Teileich Rachil B’Amecha = You shall not be a gossipmonger among your people (Vayikra 19:16).
    
    Lo Tisa Sheima Shav = Do not accept a false report (Shemot 23:1), which prohibits both speaking and accepting Lashon Hara (Gemara Pesachim 118a).
    
    HiShamer BeNega HaTZara’at LiSHmor Me’od VeLa’asot = Beware of a Tzara’at affliction, to be very careful and to act (Devarim 24:8) which Sifre explains as a reference to Lashon Hara for which Tzara’at is a punishment.
    
    VeLifnei Iver Lo Titein Michshol = And you shall not place a stumbling block before the blind (Vayikra 19:14), by causing others to sin.
    
    HiSHamer Lecha Pen Tishkach Et Hashem Elokecha = Take care, lest you forget Hashem, your God (Devarim 8:11) through arrogance (Gemara Sotah 5a) - a prime cause of Lashon Hara.
    
    VeLo Techalelu Et Sheim Kodshi = And you shall not desecrate My holy Name (Vayikra 22:32).
    
    Lo Tisna Et Achicha Bilvavecha = You shall not hate your brother in your heart (Vayikra 19:17).
    
    Lo Tikom = You shall not take revenge (Vayikra 19:18).
    
    VeLo Titor = And you shall not bear a grudge (Vayikra 19:18).
    
    VeLo Yihyeh CHeKorach VeCHa’adato = And one should not be like Korach and his assembly (BeMidbar 17:5), who caused strife among the Jewish People.
    
    VeLo Tonu Ish Et Amito = And each of you shall not aggrieve his fellow (Vayikra 25:17) through hurtful words.
    
    (Hocheiach Tochiach Et Amitecha) VeLo Tisa Alav Cheit = (You shall surely rebuke your fellow) and do not bear a sin because of him (Vayikra 19:17) by embarrassing him in the course of your rebuke.
    
    (The 5 remaining negative commandments appear in Shemot 22:21, 23:2; Vayikra 19:14; BeMidbar 35:33 and Devarim 19:15.)
    
    
100. The Chafetz Chaim enumerates 14 positive commandments which might be violated when speaking or listening to Lashon Hara:
     
     Zachor Eit Asher Asah Hashem Elokecha LeMiriam BaDerech BeTZeitchem MiMitzrayim = Remember what Hashem, your God, did to Miriam on the way, when you were leaving Egypt (Devarim 24:9).
     
     VeAhavta LeReiacha Kamocha = And you shall love your fellow as yourself (Vayikra 19:18).
     
     BeTZedek Tishpot Amitecha = With righteousness shall you judge your fellow (Vayikra 19:15).
     
     Hocheiach Tochiach Et Amitecha = You shall surely rebuke your fellow (Vayikra 19:17), which includes the obligation to rebuke one who is speaking Lashon Hara.
     
     Et Hashem Elokecha Tira = You shall fear Hashem, your God (Devarim 10:20).
     
     MiDvar Sheker Tirchak = Distance yourself from falsehood (Shemot 23:7).
     
     VeHalachta BiDrachav = And you shall go in His ways (Devarim 28:9), a requirement to emulate the ways of Hashem.
     
     (The 7 remaining commandments appear in Shemot 20:12; Vayikra 19:30; 19:32, 21:8, 25:35 and Devarim 6:7, 10:20.)
     
     
101. In our daily prayers at the end of the Amidah we ask for protection from Lashon Hara (and then immediately mention that we pray for the rebuilding of the Temple speedily in our days), yet we still continue to speak it.